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I am stress! Very stress! Damn stress!
There seems to be so many problems to solve and i have to solve it alone... YES, ME MYSELF, ALONE! No one could understand how i feel now. So many things to do - controlling the team, playing up to the expectations, study well, family problems, friend problems and many other problems for me to solve. Seriously no one will understand how i feel. Having a team filled will so many slackers and people that dont obey you, i realy have no idea what to do during every training. No one is listening to you, everyone is just sitting down waiting for someone to carry them there. Only have to wait till i scream and shout at you guys then you guys will move. I finally understand how all the ex-captains feel like. No wonder they all cannot wait for hand over. I have just started to be to captain and i still have 1 more year to go, i have to perserve on! I can't just give up like this! This is not a sportman's attitude!
Are the expectations you gave too high for me? Or am i just setting my own expectations higher just to meet your expectations? When i dont play to what is expected of me, i feel horrible and useless and lousy! I know that that's not my best, but why can't i accept this fact? It is not like it happens everyday... It have been quite a while since this ever happened to me... But why cant i get over it? I kept thinking that i should injured myself to give myself a break. What thinking is this?! OMG! Why cant i stop thinking this way today?! What is wrong with me, seriously!! I HATE MYSELF!! Why do i think this way?! What kind of attitude is this?! What is wrong with me?
Studying is what i am suppose to do. Everyone seems to be working very hard suddenly and i want to work hard as well, it is just that i dont have the time to. Trainings and tuitions are just invading my life! I had never feel so stress before! Tuition after training?! What is this? How am i suppose to keep awake?! I wont be learning anything at all.
Family and Friends... I somehow thinks that someone from my class hates me. I dont know why. But what did i do wrong? You have the guts to write a draft in the class blog but dont have the guts to publish it. Who are you!? I really want to know who you are and what did i do to make you comment such thing about me... Everyone in the class seems to be okay with me, its just you, who are you? Everyone thinks that I am the fun and hyper person in class, so who are you? What did i do to make you comment such a thing about me?! I REALLY WANT TO KNOW. SO THAT I COULD CHANGE AND BE BETTER...
There are just too many problems to solve. I cant seem to be able to solve a single one of them. They are just too difficult to solve. I feel like giving up!
My birthday is in 3 more days and I am still not prepared for that day. I dont want that day to come. Whenever i heard someone saying that number or say the word birthday, i feel like crying... Why?! I dont know!! There are seriously so many things that happened in this month. Probably because of that that is why i dont want my birthday to come. I tried to bring myself to the birhtday mood, but i cant. I tend to forget about my birthday... This is the worse birthday that i ever had...

Thank you to those who tried to comfort me and make me feel better. I will get over all this soon, i hope. I really hope that someone will come and help me. That someone is someone that i have been waiting for a very long time. I MISS YOU!! WHERE ARE YOU?!?! WHEN CAN WE EVER TALK ON THE PHONE AGAIN?? I MISS SAYING THOSE MAGIC WORDS....